MC

Mr. Whitekeys grew up in South Dakota, Iowa, and Arizona. His fondest memories of his youth were the days his father, a doctor, would bring home jugs of unusable blood which he would pour on the roses for fertilizer. No one in town grew better roses.

While attending Duke University, he taught himself to play Bach on a magnificent pipe organ. According to Whitekeys, "The most important part of my musical education was learning to pick the locks that were designed to keep us non-music majors away from the organ."

Whitekeys moved to Alaska in 1970, immediately began playing piano in sleazy bars, and for a brief time in 1972 he and his friend Bodfish held the Guinness Book record for the world's longest banana split--an 800 foot confectionery monster built on Anchorage's Park Strip. That record was broken a few months later in Minneapolis by some guys who cheated. Setting an ice cream record in below-freezing winter temperatures presents no challenge at all, but Guinness recognized it anyway.

In 1980, he opened Mr. Whitekeys' Fly By Night Club in Anchorage, Alaska. The bar was designed to employ other ridiculously over-educated people who just don't like getting up early in the morning.

Since then, his life has been a fairy tale which has come true. In February, 1995, Whitekeys was invited to the Alaska Governor's Inaugural Ball where he was honored to be the guy who introduced the guy who introduced the guy who introduced the Governor.

Mr. Whitekeys closed The Fly By Night Club in 2006 after 26 years, 41 days, and 2 hours of Spam, Booze, Rhythm and Blues. Since then, he has had run-ins with the law for illegally photographing missile sites in Arctic Valley, illegally photographing the Seward Prison, getting too close to grizzly bears in Denali Park, and birdwatching in Mountain View.

Mr. Whitekeys still mouths off and makes snotty comments every Friday on KTUU-TV's 6:00 o'clock newscast, and in a monthly column in Alaska Magazine.

In his spare time Whitekeys is addicted to coral reef marine biology, and illegal fireworks.